We love to rent DVDs for our daughter at the local library. They’re free, they’re a good source of entertainment for a week or two, and did I mention they’re free?

Last week, a DVD called Bottle Fairy was brought home. It’s a Japanese cartoon dubbed in English. Now, I could write about the show itself, the characters or the maybe the DVD presentation. No. I’m going to focus on the lyrics of the theme songs, as translated into English and printed at the bottom of the screen.

All you need to know is that “Sensei-san” is the roughly college-age human male that looks after the four little female fairies that live in bottles in his house. Seriously.

Ready? And-a-one, and-a-two…

Bottle Fairy Theme Song

The girls in a magical land
Are very small fairies
Study the human world
We want to be
Nice ladylike girls
Puki puki payo
Ah, teach us Senseisan
This and that
We want to know more
Ah, do it, do it, Senseisan
Big secret
Beyond words, and everything
Lan lan lan la la

Bottle Fairy Closing Credits Song

The closing has different lyrics depending on the episode, and some of them were translated into… Japanese. It’s quite surreal. There are six episodes on the DVD, here’s two of them, from episodes themed with spring and summer.

Feelings of spring
Anticipate an encounter and hope
While being puzzled
You come closer
My heart is beating fast, but…
Ah, cherry tree, cherry tree
A row of cherry trees along a street
Sincerely I pray
Cherry tree, cherry tree
To make new friends
Turn pink

Feelings of summer
Think of the ocean and mountains
Look, a thundercloud, too
Is calling you
Run, run, and frolic, but…
Ah, festival, fireworks
Yukata patterns, watermelon, pool
Bathing suit marks
Summer, summer
To create lasting memories
Turn into sunlight

You need to go find this DVD and watch it. Trust me.

Bonus points to anyone who can tell me where “Japanese cartoons are weird, man” comes from. Hint: he wears a red lucha libre wrestling mask and he’s really strong. And bad. Strong and bad.

I know it’s easy to blame everything on “the economy” these days, but honestly, who wants to pay $55 a month for basic cable service, even in a good economy?

In an effort to reduce our monthly bills a bit while we ride out the poor economy, we decided to axe the cable television service. Our rationale is that we never watch TV on a schedule, and we’ve got broadband internet access, so why pay? We can watch all the shows we’re interested in online. Granted, we won’t be able to watch the season premiere of Lost next week as it airs (ABC.com will have it available for online viewing the following day, if they do it the same way as they did with season four), but is it really that important? Is it $55 a month important, just to see it as it airs? I say no. Two days ago, I spoke with Comcast and cancelled our service. Yesterday, the technician showed up to collect the box and do whatever it is that technicians do to the lines. This is an account of our first day, yesterday, without cable television service.

Quitting Cable: Day One

I woke up to the sound of the house alarm being turned off and the cable guy coming into the house. Angela dealt with him while I got up, and by the time I made it downstairs, we were a cable-free house. First order of business: figure out…

Okay, the first order of business actually had nothing to do with this. But after I was finished, the next order of business was to figure out my audio/video situation and how to tune in our local channels. Our TV is a five-or-six-year-old Sony, standard. It’s got the coaxial connection and component connections in the back, and that’s it. Needless to say, simply setting it to channel 5 had absolutely no effect. Lots of lovely snow.

Well, I figured that with the digital transition coming up next month, it would make sense to just go ahead and get the converter box and an antenna. I had a chiropractic appointment at noon, and stopped by Best Buy afterward to pick up the necessary equipment before heading home.

Side note – I didn’t bother to wait for the government coupon, or even to apply for it yet, because according to a report on the radio a few days ago, the government is out of money for the coupon program. I’ll get on the waiting list later, and try to work something out with my receipt from the store if I ever get a coupon (I’m not holding my breath). If it doesn’t work out, well, I still paid less than I would have for a full month of cable service.

Installing the converter box and antenna took about five minutes. Using the remote control, it searched for signals and found a few dozen – far, far more than I expected. The downside? Nearly all the stations seem to be either Spanish-language or Christian. It’s the strangest thing… there’s NBC, there’s ABC, there’s PBS… then there’s about 32 channels in a row with names like “God TV”. Weird.

Winter was watching me work on the TV with great interest, and asking if she would watch Word Girl, to which I could only respond with, “not right now, honey. Daddy’s working on fixing the TV”.

Many months ago, I connected my MacBook Pro to the TV and home theater system, so I didn’t have to worry about setting that up. I’m able to move a browser window over to the TV and stream shows from a variety of sources.

For the rest of the afternoon, we watched a few shows online on the TV and, well, that was about it. Dinner. Bedtime for the kids. A bit of online poker, then some work on my sites, with the TV off the whole time.

So far, I’m not missing cable.

Last week I got a message from my mother, saying that she had talked to my Aunt Pam. The big news was that my cousin, Drew, was going to be on the Late Show with David Letterman with his band! Now, Drew is in a project called Takka Takka, and my first thought – since I wasn’t specifically told – was that Takka Takka was going to be performing. Turns out… not so much. Shortly after I got the first message, I was told that he’d be on with Mr. Brownstone, the Guns N’ Roses cover band that he’s been involved with for many years. I confess, I was a little disappointed – I’m a big fan of Takka Takka. Hopefully, with the release of the new album, Migration, and their inclusion on the soundtrack of the Nick and Nora’s Infinite Playlist movie, Takka Takka will have a shot to play Letterman in the near future!

Living in the Southwest as I do, and Drew living up in the Northeast as he does, I’d never seen him perform in Mr. Brownstone. Here’s the clip, via YouTube – my cousin (who wasn’t even allowed to listen to Guns N’ Roses when we were growing up) is the shirtless, leather-panted bass player:

Hopefully the clip won’t get yanked off of YouTube! The guys clearly had a great time on the show, and okay, it was a little over the top, but wasn’t Guns N’ Roses themselves always a little over the top? Great job, guys!

Learn more about Mr. Brownstone

Learn more about Takka Takka – can’t recommend them highly enough!

I’m watching Nick Jr. with my three year old daughter right now, and I have a question. Since when is it okay for the between-show commercials on Nick Jr. to market hair care products on the premise that they will make your hair “sexy”? Now, I’m no prude. I don’t think that children of all ages need to be shielded from every marginally grown-up word or concept until they hit 18 years old. I think that, for the most part, people who raise the “WE NEED TO PROTECT THE CHILDREN!!!!!” battle cry are using kids as an excuse to censor ideas and language that they simply don’t like.

Nobody had to explain to a 5-year-old what Bill Clinton did with Monica, and anyone that says they did is either lying or they didn’t realize that 5-year-olds are really easy to distract with a shiny object. I’m old-school; I firmly believe in simply telling a kid that some things are for grown-ups and some things are for kids and leaving it at that. It worked for me when I was a kid, and it’s working great with my own daughter.

I do think that the commercials need to match the programs, though. When I’m watching shows on the Food Network, I fully expect the commercials to be food-related. When I’m watching The Shield, I expect the commercials to be aimed at adults. I don’t want to see a commercial for Barbie dolls during The Sopranos, it’s inappropriate.

It’s also inappropriate to run a commercial for Pantene hair care products between Dora the Explorer and Diego featuring a beautiful woman in a short black dress who says of her hair, “I think volume is sexy”. There’s a time and a place for everything, and I think that if they wouldn’t use a word or concept in the show, they shouldn’t use it in the commercials attached to the show. If Dora ever turns to Boots and says “you know, Boots, I think when my hair is up like this, it’s really sexy”, then I’ll have no problem with Nick Jr. running the Pantene ad.

I hate reality shows.

On the other hand, I love watching Food Network’s Iron Chef America.

I hate competition reality shows even more. On the other hand, anything hosted by Alton Brown is automatically worth watching.

What am I supposed to think about The Next Iron Chef (Sundays, 9pm/8c, Food Network)? I’m not supposed to like it… am I?

Well, when in doubt, just watch the damn show, I always say. The premiere episode of The Next Iron Chef debuted tonight, and it was cool. The show was divided into two challenges: a 15-minute segment in which the chefs were required to de-bone a chicken, fllet a salmon and work with a few other items, and a 90-minute segment, in which the chefs had to prepare two desserts.

Six of the eight contestants were challengers on Iron Chef America; Jill Davie and Gavin Kaysen are the exceptions. Two of the contestants (John Besh, Traci Des Jardins) won their Iron Chef America challenges, three contestants lost their Iron Chef America challenges (Chris Cosentino, Morou Ouattara, Michael Symon), and one contestant tied against Masaharu Morimoto on his Iron Chef America appearance (Aaron Sanchez).

Alton Brown provided commentary, wandering through the kitchen and taking the place at the end of the judge’s table normally occupied by the Chairman (odd, considering that the premise of the dessert segment was that the Chairman commissioned the desserts and set the rules for them). Brown supplied the knowledge and wit that he is well known for, further cementing him at the top of my "coolest guys on television" list.

Chef John Besh came out the winner of this first episode, while Chef Traci Des Jardins was eliminated.

Extra added bonus: Jeffrey Steingarten was nowhere to be found.

My modest opinion? Great show, highly recommended. Lots of fun and a few moments of "did they really just do that?" Visit the Food Network website for more information about The Next Iron Chef, including a schedule of encore presentations of this episode.

Tags:the+next+iron+chef,food+network,alton+brown

For this discussion, I’m defining “kids television” as programming designed for toddlers: those viewers under about age five. This isn’t about the Powerpuff Girls, Jimmy Neutron or Kim Possible, it’s about The Backyardigans, Yo Gabba Gabba and The Doodlebops. Basically, I’ll be talking about shows that are aired before noon-ish; shows that are featured on Nick Jr., The Disney Channel, Noggin, and PBS. Of course, I’m not going to talk about every single show out there—that would take far more time and effort than I’m willing to spend—but if it’s noteworthy in some way, I’ll give you my modest opinion about it. You’ll notice though, that I’m skipping over Barney & Friends and Telletubbies. As targets, those are just way too easy.

Sesame Street – PBS

The gold standard. The pinnacle. The apex. This is the show by which all others are measured – and with good reason. Since 1969, over the course of more than 4,100 episodes, Sesame Street has been watched by more American children than any other kids show. It has garnered 109 Emmy awards, also more than any other show. Is Sesame Street still worthy of all the praise it gets? Mostly.

Let’s talk about Elmo. Now, I’m of the opinion that Elmo is neither as horrid as some people will have you think, nor as wholesome and good as other people would have you believe. Is Elmo going to warp your child’s mind? Of course not. Is he going to warp your mind? Quite possibly. I know that Elmo is supposed to be a child, and that’s why he talks in the third-person, “Elmo wants to do this, Elmos likes to do that”. What I can’t stand though, is that in nearly everything else this character does, he’s older than his speech suggests. He can run a computer and check his email, but he can’t use the word “me”? Granted, my daughter is only two years old, but she’s starting to say “me” a little more now. Elmo is supposed to be older than her. Besides, if Sesame Street is supposed to be educational, I’d think that drilling the third-person references into kids’ heads would be the last thing the producers would want to do. What happened to the characters setting an example for the viewers?

And Elmo is getting 15 minutes now! Each hour-long episode of Sesame Street has 15 minutes of “Elmo’s World” tacked on the end, which, while entertaining, lacks most of the educational value of the rest of the show. Watching Mr. Noodle spend 4 minutes trying to eat soup with a fly swatter isn’t exactly Emmy-worthy. Ideally, I’d like to see “Elmo’s World” pulled from the show and spun-off into it’s own series. At least then I wouldn’t have to change the channel or turn the tv off every third time it comes on during Sesame Street; I could just avoid putting it on at all, like I do with The Doodlebops.

Sesame Street as a whole is still the best thing on television for kids in my estimation, Elmo notwithstanding. There is wonderful continuity. When I started watching it with my daughter, I recognized Maria. It took me a few minutes of “is that… is that the same… that can’t be Maria, can it?” There was such a sense of coming home for me that it makes watching it with my daughter that much more special. They integrate a lot of the old segments that were new thirty years ago. Recently, I sang along with the numbers song, the one with the pinball animation (1-2-3-4-5… 6-7-8-9-10… 11, 12!) and now my kid knows the tune as well. Priceless.

I’m a firm believer in the premise that not all television for kids needs to be educational. This is the only exception. In a television landscape populated by dreck like Lazy Town and The Wiggles, shows like Sesame Street need to assume the role of the elder statesmen. Sesame Street fills a very specific role, and the day we lose it (or the day it loses itself) will be the end of one of the most important eras in history.

Wonder Pets! – Nick Jr.

I was looking around for some information about Yo Gabba Gabba, which I’ll talk about in a moment, and I ran across this comment in a blog:

“regarding Wonder Pets, what got it banned from our household was my hubby (who is Chinese) catching the episode with the Panda who had soy sauce on her…er… ‘person’. Feeding the Asian stereotypes, combined with Ling-Ling’s stereotypical lisp, was too much for him (and in our household, ‘this is SEEWEOUS’ since I’m the only Caucasian of 4 adults and 2 kiddos).”

I swear, some people are such tools sometimes. The titular characters went to China. I guess nobody in China uses soy sauce… oh, wait, that’s where soy sauce comes from? Silly me. Calling this kind of thing stereotypical is like watching Giada De Laurentiis go to Italy and then complaining that she ate pasta. Oh, and the duckling’s name is Ming-Ming, not Ling-Ling. If you’re going to get offended by an animated duck, you should at least get the name right. Interestingly, in the completely unscientific poll I conducted in my household, two of the two adults didn’t even connect the name Ming-Ming with the duckling being Chinese (or even Asian for that matter). My daughter named her toy dinosaur Dee-Poo. They’re just names. Stop reading so much into them. Ming-Ming is a child, hence the imperfect pronunciation of some words. There is nothing else about the character to even suggest that she might be Chinese, Asian, or anything else. The duckling can’t pronounce her “R’s”, just like Elmer Fudd. Anyone think Fudd is Chinese?

I watch this show with my daughter fairly frequently. The Wonder Pets get a phone call in each episode, and they’re required to use teamwork to build their “fly boat” so they can fly to the rescue of the animal in trouble. Usually, the animal in trouble is in another part of the world (begging the question, just how fast can an open-cockpit frisbee-based flying boat travel?). The Pets have rescued a poodle in France (who correctly had a French accent), a kangaroo in Australia (who correctly had an Australian accent), and a hermit crab in Mexico (who correctly had, yes, a Mexican accent).

They visit other cultures, which is hard to complain about… though it seems easy enough for idiots like those who think that a Chinese panda in China with a Chinese accent is somehow bad.

Yo Gabba Gabba! – Nick Jr.

I was prepared to hate Yo Gabba Gabba based on the promos that ran for the month running up to the premiere. After watching it… it’s kooky, original, non-formulaic, and fun. Remember fun? Kids used to be able to have fun without overbearing parents trying to force education on them. My two year old knows her letters and digits, can count to twenty and loves to sing and dance. Why? Because my wife and I taught her. We don’t rely on TV for education. My daughter likes it for entertainment, and if a show whips a little education on the kids, so much the better. Education shouldn’t be a requirement.

What’s amazing to me is that with all the shows that try to be educational, the United States is still lagging behind much of the rest of the industrialized world in educational results. Seems to me people need to pay closer attention to schooling, where education is supposed to be taking place, and less attention to television. Let television be fun—and if we’re talking fun, we’re talking Yo Gabba Gabba.

You can do far, far worse than Yo Gabba Gabba, and oh my LORD all you people that say it should be canceled simply because it “annoys” you… you need to get a life. You annoy me. That doesn’t mean you should be “canceled”, if you know what I mean.

The creators of the show are also the guys behind the band
The Aquabats. Definitely worth a listen.

The Doodlebops – Disney Channel

This is, by far, the most inane show on the planet—which is saying a lot considering that Lazy Town is still airing. It takes “formulaic” to new heights, in that anyone paying attention can give you a minute-by-minute breakdown of any episode regardless if they’ve seen it or not. This goes beyond “boy meets girl, boy dates girl, boy screws up and learns valuable life lesson”. Each episode is crafted out of a template and only the dialog changes (barely).

The costumes and sets are loud, garish and obnoxious. The acting is sophmoric and overblown. The quality of the CG aspects of the show is terrible—I know self-taught animators and first-year students that can produce better effects. The characters are one-dimensional. The plots, what little of them there are, are predictable.

The songs are simplistic, but that’s to be expected from a show targeted at such a young audience, so I don’t really hold that against the show.

For a show about a fake band, The Monkees did it better. Come to think of it, The New Monkees did it better, and they sucked.

Dora the Explorer and Go, Diego, Go! – Nick Jr.

I’ll take on both shows in one segment because they are essentially the same thing. Diego is Dora’s cousin, and he romps around the jungle (and other places) just like Dora. He has a magic backpack, just like Dora, and a talking animal partner, just like Dora. Diego and Dora like to command their viewers: stand up, do this, do that. They both yell at their viewers. The two characters will occassionally cross over into each other’s programs, although Diego appearing on Dora’s show is more frequent than the other way around (Diego even has an appearance in Dora’s show opening sequence; Dora does not have one in Diego’s opening). They both aim to teach a new word or two in Spanish in each episode.

Are either of these shows worth the effort required to watch them? Considering that it takes zero effort to sit still and keep your eyes open… not really, no. While they are not the worst programs for kids, there are definitely better alternatives. I’m not a huge fan of interactive shows that take the interaction to the extent that these shows do. Thankfully, my daughter seems to have passed through the Dora/Diego phase and rarely asks to watch either show; now, if we can just get rid of the Dora toys…

Little Einsteins – Disney Channel

Some folks were worried when Disney bought the Baby Einstein property, and I was one of them. Disney has a knack, second only to Microsoft, for screwing up the properties they buy or adapt (or steal, but that’s a whole ‘nother discussion). I’m happy to say that this isn’t one of their blunders. Little Einsteins is smart, fun and educational without being preachy or condescending.

The characters are interesting and the plots are non-formulaic. The premise of the show is that Leo, the red-haired boy, had a mobile above his crib with a toy rocket on it when he was an infant. As Leo grew up, so did the rocket. Leo rediscovered his rocket and learned that he and his friends could fly around in it to go on missions. Each episode features one or several pieces of art and one piece of classical music. The art and music actually play a part in the mission itself in one way or another.

The missions are generally grounded in real life situations or locales. When June, the dark-haired girl, discovered a living Chinese dragon kite in her backyard, the mission is to return it to China (and rescue the rest of the dragon kites) in time for a parade atop the Great Wall. Some parts are wholly unrealistic; it’s a kid’s show after all. The bits that deviate from reality are generally mild compared to what you’ll see on shows like Dora the Explorer—no talking mountains or volcanoes that spew soap bubbles here.

Higglytown Heroes – Disney Channel

What the hell? was my first reaction. You gotta be *bleeping* kidding me! was my second. Look, I’m not a big fan of this decade’s redefinition of the word “hero”. Not every cop is automatically a hero. Nor is every firefighter automatically a hero. Not every soldier is a hero. Either words have meaning or they don’t.

The kids of Higglytown Heroes get themselves into situations that they need help with, like when they need to find pasta in the shape of stars at the grocery store. They call upon the help of a hero—the grocery clerk. Yes, this show actually puts forth the idea that a grocery clerk is a hero of the town because he “helps the town” with the things he does. In the few episodes we’ve watched, the heroes of the town have been the aforementioned grocery clerk, a window washer, a librarian, a mail carrier, and a dog. A FRIGGIN’ DOG!

I’m all in favor of teaching kids about the jobs that adults do, but the hero angle is ridiculous. The show also gets the award for worst logo design, just because pouring salt on a wound is one of my favorite pasttimes.

Random Thoughts on Other Shows

* It’s creepy that Barbie is listed as the star of movies like Barbie and the 12 Dancing Princesses and Barbie Fairytopia. Barbie is fictional. They’ve got a fictional character starring as a fictional character. You have to feel bad for the actress who voices Barbie.

* Reading Rainbow is fantastic. LeVar Burton never talks down to the audience and always makes the subject interesting. It’s hard to believe the show is 25 years old!

* I’m not a big fan of trying to make a show hip and current simply for the sake of making a show hip and current because the producers usually screw it up. That said, Nick Jr.’s Max & Ruby needs to be brought up to the 20th century. That’s right, 20th.

* There’s nothing inherently wrong with Blue’s Room. Except the fact that it stomps all over the whole point of Blue’s Clues. Blue shouldn’t talk. Ever.

* I like the idea behind The Backyardigans, but the execution has started to get ridiculous. It was cool in the beginning because the kids would imagine themselves into situations that could be reasonably played out in a backyard by kids. Now, the writers are putting them in situations that kids could not possibly come up with in locations that span areas far too large to reasonably put in a backyard setting.

* Speaking of The Backyardigans, I’d like to see an episode where Tasha wasn’t a royal bitch. That’s the only thing the writers ever do with her.

* Short list of shows that are so boring and safe that nobody could possibly complain about them: Clifford the Big Red Dog, Berenstain Bears, Thomas & Friends, Little Bear, Postman Pat, Jay Jay the Jet Plane, Rainbow Fish, Maisy, and Bob the Builder.

* More producers need to follow the example of Fred Rogers in creating and running their shows.

* I was in a hotel with my family and caught a few episodes of HBO’s Crashbox. It was almost enough to make me subcribe when we got home, just so I could watch it. I hope it’s still airing, or at least on DVD, by the time my daughter is old enough to keep up with it.

* Harry and His Bucket Full of Dinosaurs. Weird (but accurate) title; decent show. The kids almost assuredly won’t pick up on it, but adults may notice that there are no adult males on that show. Harry has no father figure. That might explain the dinosaurs.

* If there was a show called Handy Manny when I was a kid, we would have assumed it was about a kid in a wheelchair. Look, I’m not saying it’s right, but hey, we were kids. That was the kind of joke we thought was funny twenty years ago. Witness: the Garbage Pail Kids.

* Someone needs to bring back The Electric Company.

* Disney Channel’s Emily Yeung shorts are awesome. This kid needs her own series. She’s got a tremendous on-screen presence. Her male counterpart, Daniel Cook, can’t claim a tenth of that personality. He could easily be replaced.

Between her cooking show, travel shows, talk show, monthly magazine and books, I’ve come to learn a lot about cooking from Rachael Ray. I wouldn’t describe myself as a Super Fan or anything – it’s not like I TiVo her shows or anything – but I do tune in if I’m watching TV and I see that it’s on. I’ve got five of her books. When I needed new pots & pans, hers was a line I checked out (and subsequently bought). Rachael Ray is everywhere, and she’s bordering on over saturation to be honest. Still, I’ve learned a lot about cooking.

1. You don’t really need to measure anything exactly unless you’re baking. "Once around the pan" is a valid measurement.
2. You really can make a good meal in 30 minutes or less, no matter your experience in the kitchen.
3. You can use EVOO in anything.
4. You should cook what you like and not worry about your weight – but there are tons of great recipes that are good for the waistline.
5. Having a garbage bowl or doing your prep next to the garbage disposal is a must.
6. You don’t need to be a chef to be a master in the kitchen.
7. You don’t need to put in a lot of effort or time to prepare food for a casual party if you’re smart about it.
8. There is no shame in buying canned or boxed… for some things.
9. Most of your spices have a 6-month shelf life.
10. Only Rachael Ray can carry as many items as she does without dropping them!

Coming up: why Alton Brown is the coolest guy on television.

Tags:rachael+ray,cooking

I was on the road with my wife and kid (age 2), and I went online looking for things for her (the baby) to watch to keep her occupied for a while. I went to YouTube looking for clips from Dora the Explorer, because she digs that show for some reason. What I found was one of the funniest parodies I’ve seen in a long time:

Tags:dora,dora+the+explorer,snl,maraka,tv+funhouse,nbc,parody